My Midlife Crisis - CycleBlaze

My Midlife Crisis

and other humorous stories

By Mark Bingham
3,409 miles (5,486 km) over 182 days between Mar. 18, 2025 and Sep. 15, 2025

PART ONE

pre-trip
introduction heart 59
the route heart 33
the new bike heart 132
what I'm taking heart 67
list of training rides heart 6
a little more on that subject heart 64
getting there heart 164

Florida
0: quirky cemetery, the careless count, bum farto, polydactyls, first flight, danger heart 352
1: southernmost point, pandora and baryshnikov, a fresh breeze, my brother, the wall, emergency campsite heart 140
2: the hole, fred the tree, turtle hospital, mount lushmore, pedicure, foil board heart 129
3: not snowing, mitzi, tragedy strikes, mailboxes, hurricane monument heart 276
4: one grind, marathon at pinecrest bakery, african queen, christ of the abyss, charlie and larry heart 105
5: undersea lodge, goliath grouper, route selections heart 180
6: the quiet lady, lunch on the sidewalk, whopper, just navigating, Luis, joen the troll, grafitti heart 176
7: bakery bake-off, coppertone, the slab, holocaust memorial, pretty bright rocks, sidewalk, sand heart 396
8: houses and condos, first rain, lost cat heart 118
9: thrive, venice of america, el rio trail, rob heart 198
10: rest day, trivia, the cough, the helmet debate, my elbow heart 39
11: can't get out, the italian, fellowes' place, publix, loxahatchee crossing, two parks, gator culvert heart 296
12: do not swim with alligators, quintic, tunnel of trees, wall of palms, buddha boy, mailboxes, mr. rogers heart 316
13: crossings, floridetour, seals, weight loss heart 142
14: breakfast, a very close call with death, jack, breaching, the storm, launch heart 243
15: the leaf remains, drying out, surfer on a bike, mailboxes, serve yourself, jim/carrie, jon and carolyn heart 154
16-17: nasa, robin, wagyu, considering a skin peel heart 149
18: routing issues, scary santa, a few shadows, cocoa and jed, a hard push heart 211
19: cafetorium, admiring the tree, fresh berries, toby, palm and oak, bob ross, caterpillar with four teeth, grave in the road, scoot inn, last resort heart 589
20: gnome tree, the fifth third, drive-in church, casements, beware the harp, mailboxes, watchtower, surfing tournament heart 300
21: devil's elbow, rattlesnake island, bridge campers, tom, mailboxes, restaurant recommendation heart 140
22: believe it or not, the senator, no bagels for you!, ken, oldest schoolhouse, me in a few years, our lady, potter's, human foot in a cat hair rug, narrowest street, young crossing, king arrested, lion, castillo, the wars, oaks on magnolia, peacock heart 337
23: headwind, castle otttis, mailboxes, guana, floaters, schwing, brett, courage heart 206
24: bistro, ferry ride, adopt a highway, lady on the bridge, david, courage heart 168

Georgia
25: bad roads, 23 mph, next state, blocked roads, all that's left of him, georgia coast rail trail, nap time heart 205
26: buildings, ecg, dead peoples things, fat godley, bike path, found items, hostel in the forest heart 664
27: the beatific and the horrific, blessing the fleet, ju ju, comfort zone, those pants I was telling you about, sunday closures, delta zeta, the bed? heart 165
28: restrooms, smallest church, signs, dolly rogers, ian and bill, best jersey ever, second key card heart 190
29: world globe, squares, the trifecta, shrimp heart 115
30-31: trolley tour, planned city, but no jews, epiphyte moss, first african baptist church, haircut, forrest's bench, wrought iron, flannery and deen, headstones, graveface, mark 15, happy underwear heart 215
32: breakfast, the weeping time, missing yemassee, how not to die, state #3, taco truck, bait and switch, schizophrenic wind, tire wire, online pricing heart 152

South Carolina
33: more than a feeling, rick, drive-in, goodyear, accident on 17, bosom bottom church, temple of sport, edisto motel heart 169
34: talking guns, chapel of ease, lawnmower, square O, smoking mandate, captain tim, food lockup, testament heart 124
35: caterpillar and ant, a delicate matter with christine, george and the angel's wings, creepy and fuzzy, fleetmaster and tractor, sixty acres, mudville, chris, .38 and hot dogs heart 230
36: turtle, the swamp fox, kyle and the ambulance, cowhead, writing with tar, tell me a story, keep door close heart 102
37: charlie walker, a story at last, the big pentecostal, garmin gremlin, windright, the dog count, reverse psychology heart 144
38: fog, not a sign, mars hill, potato house, a chair when you need one, garmin gremlin, society hill heart 166
39-40: crazy blessed farm, a better microwave, relaxing, haint blue, uneven floors, moth, home-cooked meal, borrowed rocking chair heart 157
41: keep it or not, make stories, tire, bob's paper, state number four, four colors, tarzan and the angry beaver, old stage road, beautiful and heartbreaking, a new record, no trespassing, fudd, bad hair day, farmica, whose fault is it anyway heart 230

North Carolina
42: urp, NC drivers, road hieroglyphics, concealed carry, headstone, drowning creek, intimidating, crossword, home of american gold, p.t. barnum heart 140
43: coffee shop, smooth sailing, horse farms, manly church, highway 1, police, smooth sailing again, lunch at sky mart, uncle willie, flags, friendly people heart 158
44: toby, museum, steve's stoves, turkey and cigar sandwich, goldilocks, raconteur heart 95
45: adventure, cape fear, colon ahead, coffee money, microwave mailbox, christians or not, rabbit, no wave from me, lake evacuation, cyclists 3 & 4, lost parrot, apex police, gumpish heart 148
46: turtle, suburbia, designated bike path, platform 9-3/4, tree protection area, private residence, they're a wake at the moment, strawberries, rocks, peed indeed, garmin glitch heart 132
47: pollen pond, still living for danger, energy elementary, convenience site, not virginia, thank you jesus, elementary prohibitions, tar river, memory lane memories, happy times, dachshund sprayer, woodmen of the world, ed, mecca, steel flame heart 226
48: late start, larry, metro, into the arms of jesus, alive, the amazing tiny, the lane less traveled, solar farm, state #5, no shooting or stopping, painted trees heart 283

Virginia
49: tailwinds, escher, mike and ed, no weed, karo, dad joke, a little gravel, the gate, church break, big bird, severe thunderstorm, dylan, b&b heart 289
50: b&b break, shell, david & marcia, sweet dreams, magical, nottoway, slow men, a virtuous woman, train station, first cow, thermal drone deer recovery, hard luck, "god," giddy heart 192
51: breakfast busker, no interesting pictures, my own soap, a break from the excitement, talking mailboxes, see you soon heart 102

PART TWO
in the interim heart 29
52: grand kugel, rex, rat basketball, as the world turns pendulum, man in a box, homes, liberty or death, murals, milk bottle building, marshall carries the veggies, have you seen this man? heart 210
53: a few facts, trolley tour, rachel & the serial killer, alligators at the jefferson, fancy club, secret sandwich society, bruce's house, lumpkin's jail, monumental fire, barbara johns walks out, poe house, spy ring, my search for beer, mr. ashe heart 179
54: what marines fight for, waldo, gwathmey, wooden fist bump, train town, wade and the cigar, kugel, secretariat, the pineapple, ruritans, tree gobbling sign, shopping carts, buzzards bottom, cheapest hotel, no peeing heart 222
55: slim pickings, bull church, partly cloudy school, old house, clown drive, church pond, we blow!, 5-7 only, a tight squeeze, meade pyramid, pizza time heart 196
56: murals, not falling over, eskimo hill, bill's story, squirrel hollow, car wash, passing cars, quantico, float, ihop directions, fire truck, another new pr, a good aroma heart 244
57: exhausting sleep, riverfest, dave and john, something seriously wrong with me, water quality management, talking trees, tornado watch, fairfax water, 6-acre bridge park, my happy place, 4-mile run, trixie & co. heart 230

Washington, DC
58-59: face dance, "trixie, no!", peeing in your pants, escalator to heaven, the lime bait-and-switch, a ten-dollar shake down, sculpture garden, scandalous george, pizza maker, robert and claire, second morning assault, the wrinkly man heart 127

Maryland
60: what fish want, a key crossing, a capital mistake, turtles, lockhouses, no formal training, tarzan's place, red fox, falls, the wrench and a weird vibe, poison ivy, 120 bucks to poop outside, complete servicing, the mouse and his ancestors heart 344
61: monocacy, manbun, the interaction of trees, stormy evidence, creamery, get that rooster drunk, buying mulch, not a train enthusiast, bugs cross, stopped train and the lucky charm, public spectacle, boiled frog, penny's diner heart 201
62: osvaldo and muhamad, mark does the AT, in the name of adventure, alex I'd like to buy an apostrophe, brown information, merging rivers, boric acid toilet powder, see how much I love you, dave, hotel bitterness, mosquito report heart 196
63: the invisible helmet, deer, morse code, muddy patches, potomac run, big-lipped trees, shroomy trees, burly trees, warty trees, insect stop, first working lock, more steps, marie's mission, halfway heart 220
64: waffle house, the mindreader, many turns river, mile 100, virginia dogs, the turtle king, upon reflection, boo boo blvd., the experiment, the big sneeze, staring contest, the thumb tap, cheap overpowers guilt, deet, polite rain, 1.8 miles heart 293

West Virginia
65: little richard's bumpersticker, quicksand, rock formations, 100% date, mudfest, the batty indigo, 40-foot turtle, nerd deer, telegraph poles, burly burl, lost cap, the pocked paw paw, bus cabin, colin, rode hard & put away wet heart 392

Maryland
66: wendall, keeping maryland beautiful, woolly caterpillar, field basketball, another staring contest, flying saucer meets tree trunk, a bale of turtles and some cool collectives, a non-green green heron, wodb?, home in an alley, flooded cumberland heart 260
67: flying monkeys, bone cave, inspiration, go in style, woodcock, switchback art, road sign, deet vs. helmet, mason-dixon, #9, fishing permitted, stacking gold, a savage offer, an entertaining deejay at the divide, keystone, brush, bollman, donges heart 370

Pennsylvania
68: a fowl bird, bee on a flower, the body bag offer, markleton, pinkerton, sort of thanks, trestle house, no going around, ticks, no shooting, wear orange, alien fungus, on guard, confluence, snake break, more fungi, the bonk, immersion heart 263
69: longest and shortest day, ohiopyle, hideous and beautiful, fallingwater, move the desk, how to spell god, blue steel, the trees have eyes, burrantlers, leprous trees, pickelhaube heart 353
70: stained glass arch, cheryl with a c, inspirational, witness protection, jock-strap-a-gany, mm100, snake whisperer, the raleigh's birthday, pet horses, yough ness monster heart 132
71: headless sneezer, bird bench, dead man's hollow, kennywood, rockslide, george's drain, bridges, buffalo bill, detour, ichabod's pogrom, ddt, gate on a bridge, hot metal bridge, the point, end of part 2 heart 298

PART THREE
in the interim heart 30
72-73: facts, oldest mark, steepest street, funicular, inspector of steps, more than venice, phipps, cheeses of nazareth, big boot, telephone of the wind, roslyn place, fountain of youth heart 359
74-75: slept like a baby, city of firsts, emoticon, nickelodeon, kiss-my-ass clock, old overholt, world series, kdka radio, slinky, cathedral of learning, mellon pillars, mysterious door, the fence, dippy, gas station, b & t water, big mac heart 285
76: my life is saved, backwards in more ways than one, the pope gets married, his wife could eat no lean, the dog house, wampum, slippery rock, friday's hill, almost like home, tax this, failed art, land of taxes, subway, two and a half decades heart 138

Ohio
77: two fat guys and an oven, RIP, home protection, share the road, mail pouch, taking the low road, autism area, youngstown, woman in a parking lot, meeting bill, phoenix dies, a paper the mob couldn't shut up, sealcoating my pants, free naloxone heart 195
78: grohl alley, first flight, cockeye, center of the world, the backwards walking man, old cabin/new gutters, kiddies' punching bag, bad curve, hiding the mailbox, psssst, headwaters, dq and the wizard of odds, drive crossing, deeann heart 209
79: making maple syrup, modern trash compactor, the arcade, house of blues, free stamp, a big chandelier, at cordelia heart 102
80: what a bear does, shart realtors, "nature's preserve," no bicycles, barge tie-up?, storage in garlic heart 124
81: 2-3 cylinders, barrier proud, the thin man, turn around, electric sex, steel mill, gregly pad, the bug dance, guardians of transportation, jacknife/swing/lift, sunburn, small giants, 6 bridges, jose & rocky, skyline, hore house, door zone heart 343
82: near perfect, grand army highway, hidden drive, phone booth, break on the water, big chain, repurposed tower, cathedral to wealth, green turret house, lorain, carney time, skateworld, a bad shave heart 133
83: the $250 motel 6, warm showers, guy in a coat, ditch, detour, residence only, whiskeyville, oberlin, wine tour, mile marker mystery, bank, deep green, i-beam, wild & free, the dozer, laney heart 182
84: pleasant elementary, land mine, winded and mugged, soirée at hog's creek, cornfield speed trap, old church, mad river museum, illinois central, bad time for a house fire, the devil beats his wife, good hair day, woody's, what $80.00 gets you heart 155
85: kekis, curtis, straight, nonclimbable trees, two trees and a tree, farmall, the sunsflower, time well spent, like dambo, more straightness, genoa blockade, juxtaposition, built like an old school privy, gem-studded house, marissa, spidey senses heart 221

Michigan
86: a powerpoint should suffice, old bag of nails, grindhrs, murals, pigs fly, dickens' new line of work, state #11, pneumatic post, michigan highway, field of bliss, drag and drive, sprinkling, green light house, home cooked gizzards, do not cross heart 258
87: not a big fan of tats, 3 dudes, this magical place, bumpy landing, the fun siblings have, spread hope, it's john!, the castaway house, a room with a view, great hosts heart 128
88: guy in an alley, fatberg, 6 acres and not enough time, trains planes and automobiles, and bicycles!, dymaxion, have a seat mr. lincoln, parks' bus, nomotown, finding a whitehead, pottery, pizza shootout, shrines, the wright stuff heart 436
89: around detroit, 6 mile road, the road to despair, missing turtles, rip wayne, lovely monkey, juxtaposition, my family's here?, a helpful directive, yield, gravedigger mike, lost cat, place trash here, no. vi heart 137
90: lost headphones, grace and elegance, jill, wheels yield to heels, the squeeze, vocation vacation, mastodon crossing, yet another detour, carl's rich! (and carl's karen!), sergeant stony, tires, quite an impression, gawping heart 121
91: it's both, the puddler, unicyler, 710 savant, bigfoot research team, you just gotta keep moving forward, cross section, 75 miles to 30 mile, smoke has, dig it!, pushing too hard, I'll have a coney and some dignity, and a milkshake, the gawker heart 137

Canada
92: going to canada, patton at ace, we're closed, roughing it smoothly, french fry trees, fountain, solar powered stop, blue water bridge, rock snake, tent revival, exmouth, kissing ships, dynamite on skates, “I'm givin’ her all I’ve got, Captain!” heart 197

Michigan
93: second crossing, cedar lawn, blown gasket, bitter gun owner, the dead zone, french fry tree, golden silos, honey hole, dg vs. fd, welcome to yail, blm hotel, ypl, bologna festival, sweet dreams, real food heart 212
94: please disturb, the sugru fail, dronedusting, underground pipeline, in the thumb, stifling subway, addams house, bad axe, cross on the road, your right of way, oh - it's quiet, proud of my ingenuity, presumed dead this pleasant evening heart 125
95: anticipation, this bike saved my life, happy water, escaping horse, alleyfighters find peace, followed, just drive under, our only hope, wildfires, 27 acres of kitsch, holz brücke, oldest microbrewery, great van fleet, believing in santa again heart 206
96: kidney check, hitsman, rural lgbtq, uncle henry, invisible silos, sanitary mattresses, a break at the pole, the nowhere sign, the parents return, hell no, casting, the queen's birthplace, rockin' the beard, feed me, good dogs too, quandary heart 186
97: the butt tree, telephone disc mystery, pinocchio birdhouse, fair game, the liquor pharmacy, flajolators, vinyl bricks, dowprint, alden's place, water cannon, ace is the place, why bother, haze at river days, I just...., balloons, tridge  heart 217
98: world's largest, trail surface developing cracks near uranus, proportional planets, curious about the bike, big earl's upcoming date, florida man in michigan, time well spent  heart 124
99: let's shoot it!, unemployed smokey, the hell I can't, kangadeer, congestion, memorial poles, uncle willy at it again, horseshit and butterflies, not my first choice, skamper excitement, butt rub heart 164
100: 100, nirvana, views from the bench, idlewild, big brown trout, off trail, let's shoot this too!, lois, walhalla and eden, mosquitoes that don't suck, shred, hobo caddy, walleye, small bait, bold, being stalked, first glimpse, I unlisted it heart 231
101-102: with skim milk, parked, good advice, the exception, cornholing, world's largest sundae, lighthouse, steve & pat, back deck deals, friend or foe?, if you don't finish, does not compute, the white towel clan heart 108
103: mold, smokey stealing checks, make up lies, honor on the roadside, watching traffic, a cemetery to die for, peshtigo fire, mullet on a tree, stuttering jones, florida man returns yet again, a three-hour shower heart 137
104: the three sisters, 85 and gone, swimmers of a certain age, barnwheel, harriet quimby, ice cream, the beach, all these bikes, breaker box, much less than cleaning, plastic bathtub-size coffin, 2 surprises, cutthroat marketing, acoustics  heart 177
105: indian tree, the sofa decision, scenic overlook, bent fork, carface, no trespassing without permission, bingham, deadstream, herring lake preserves, because that's stupid, 50 cents for 3 minutes, kevin and ruth, rain heart 135
106: the deluge, batman signal, ddd, bart's brain, paul saves a life, asparagus festival, wear bright colors, sleeping bear, the mortgage, are aliens real?, detour, some poor photography, the burning orb heart 147
107: carriage house, brown and hard, do you snore?, fishtown, dry hydrant, romantic walk, brain rock, fish bones, waterbike, missed opportunity heart 129
108: why the crotch, no wake zone, roberta and mark, dog parade, sanitary sewer, bye bye, produce ahead, slow!, pow-wow, 45th parallel, rose and eric, foodie, ice skating, I'd rather have a tudor, the fix heart 105
109: tree tunnel trail, having a great time crashing, bingham schoolhouse, important information!, a perfect fit, drivethrough massage, no rest for rob, bathroom in uruguay, engineer luddites, checkout time, kicking myself, building bikes, stag party heart 153
110: stealth campsite, all things unnecessary, friend of the library, monsters, breeze off the lake, state theatre, city opera, theater camping heart 93
111: ravaging cyclists, the most dangerous game, power line swastikas, pole tags, worse than dueling banjos, first walk, horizontal push, ant lion's fissure, the last guy, swamp pathway, beer cooler, not again, pleasant pummeling heart 109
112-113: the cottage, the up-north, server skills, no smoking, what's for dinner, the blahg, giant lighthouse, mooring fee, at your service, outdated, the sandman, elusive, the ab account, lgbt, unconditional, clearwater, lookout for mailbag heart 154
114: two approaches, donner party, owa-taygoo-siam, meet back here in ten minutes, trillium, shore thang, possum hollow, rv, preferred waste, mushroom houses, salad on a drink, getting bridged, four, battle of pine river, slinky success heart 164
115-116: the long boardride, as good as it gets, fingernails, logistics, no levering, undercar service, dry harbor, the ambassador, from a millionaires' club to a multimillionaires' club, creative nomenclature, coincidental meeting, the great debate heart 88

PART FOUR
in the interim heart 22
117: the ski library, heavier, added detours, bba stand, no exit, ski lift, cocoa break, a something of trees, legs inn, zoltar predicts, reproachful stares, 2nd most , scarecrow, concern, deteriorating pads, weaponized fun, missing the lights heart 337
118: angels singing, tread lightly, ddd, call me jimmy, can on a twig, wienerlicious, the bridge, ferry ride, horse health, grand hotel, stonecliffe, preferences, dropping a stake, ice bridge, rainbows, arch, doud's, 1st ayd, 2 fans, airing it out heart 262
119: out of context, etchings, locked away life vests, yoopers & trolls, mystery spot, o.r.v., edmund fitzgerald, the shoe sign, grading, drafting, the puppeteer, the lie, pick a room any room, frankenstein room, alien squash heart 140
120: tiny cabins, cut river bridge, 2 tourers, a miss, pasties, the robbery, northernmost sleuthing, do or don't enter the water, conspiracy, snowmobile museum, hog island and big knob, finns and saunas, bates decor, woke, early to bed  heart 191
121:  the secret, beaver, tube man, helmet for scale, mead creek, barns, end of the road, horripilation, jolly giant, women's restroom, juxtaposition, beardfisher, germfask, no comment, do not block drive, naming, hemingway's haunts heart 278
122: light and sound, a new experience, auburn pines, seney stretch, the interview, wetmore, squeezed by time, self-discipline, the bermuda, wooden lighthouse, smuggler's cove, kaleidoscope, our other option, ennui heart 203
123: rest day, 100 easy dinners, the side effect, bike room, hotel breakfast, holing up, the view vs. viewblockers, the benefits of not being smart, the weight of quarters, the miracle of merino, a model who looks like me, cool tattoo heart 59
124: the staple, superglued, an odd new tube, fixer-upper, christmas in michigan, the writing place, siri helps with pink anchor gland, a lot of trees, wild turkey, a lot of water, scott falls without injury, valhalla, happy place, 5th-generation heart 174
125: if you're a worm, h.u.n.k.s., lakenland, kellie, no rest here, sea watch, insect on a snail on a mushroom, ore dock 1, superior dome, sidewalk art, ore dock 2, cliff area, champion swimmer, missing letter, bird of temptation, kevin, marquette heart 618
126: wiggle repair, pellets, dewy, tansy, mushroom, vista detour, unmarried, pop-up town, jasper knob, hope free, best secretions, teddy's suit, birthplace of organized skiing, bear bait, snowmobiles, soil screen, early halloween, mélange heart 316
127: pronunciation test, color road, name that alley, grenade, bear burger, 2 of 4, quickdraw results, jeff's passing, tannins, woodpecker hole, nite owl, nirvana roll, if I disappear, sunset at the campground heart 190
128: sweetroll, fog & dew, sluggish breakfast, stapled, second look, pain, the bishop, options, 5 by 3, tactical taco, one down, stop, dog chase, sunset silhouette, a tough grade, snowball, vertiginous, the doc & the dee, jungle gym heart 328
129: windshield factory, pacman, recaptured, deep dam, biking tradition, fire in the hall, the gipper, hues, stolen signs, no service, end of the road, bear registration, isle royale, gay bar, the pretzel, fife, reeeaaalllyyy living heart 162
conclusion heart 18